Now that you have your fear ladders, pick one to start working on. On that fear ladder, start with the least scary situation and repeatedly enter that situation or do that activity even if you feel anxious.

For example, if you’re working on your fear of talking to unfamiliar people, you could make eye contact and say “hi” to the bus driver every day on the way to and from school. Do this for many days until it becomes no big deal. Or if you’re working on your fear of touching things you think are dirty, you could touch a doorknob without washing your hands every day.

Expect to feel anxious! That’s what happens when we face our fears.

If the situation is one you can stay in for a long time, remain there until your anxiety starts to come down.

For example, if you fear needles, try looking at a picture of needles until your anxiety comes down. If you stay in a situation long enough, your anxiety will start to come down.

This is because anxiety takes a lot of energy, and at some point it will “run out of gas” and you’ll realize you are safe and nothing really bad has happened.

This can take a long time (up to 30 minutes or more). So make sure you give yourself enough time to do your exposure exercise.

Once you can face that thing or situation repeatedly without much anxiety, it’s time to celebrate your victory and move onto the next thing on your list. If you’re bored – you aren’t scared! And you should feel some anxiety doing these steps or it’s not working.

Next: Helpful Tips for Doing Exposure Exercises

Start small!

It is important to start really small and take gradual steps.

Practice!

In order to overcome your fears, you need to practice often.  It’s like working out.  If you want to be in shape, you need to workout multiple times a week.  When it comes to exposure exercises, the more you do, the faster your fear fades!

Some things can be done daily (such as saying “hi” to three people in the hall), while others can only be done once in a while (such as going on a school trip or to a dance).  The more you do something the easier it will become.

Get help!

Facing your fears is not easy.  Recruit your friends or family to help you.  Let them know what you’re working on and get them to cheer you on.  Or get them to help with some of your exposure exercises by coming with you or meeting up with you afterwards to share in your victories.

Keep it up! 

Even if you’ve become comfortable doing something, it’s still important to go into those situations from time to time to make sure your fear doesn’t creep back.  So, if standing on a balcony is easy now, make sure to go stand on one once in awhile.

Use your imagination!

You can’t always face feared situations repeatedly.  For example, you probably can’t take a flight somewhere everyday!  But you can use your imagination to help you face it.  This is called imaginal exposure.

All you have to do is close your eyes and imagine that you are in that situation.   Use all your senses – imagine what you see, feel, hear, smell, taste, and touch.  Let yourself get anxious by just imagining that you are in that situation and then keep imagining being there until your anxiety starts to come down.  Then, do the same imaginal exposure again the next day.  Keep doing it until you really don’t feel much anxiety anymore.  It can also be helpful to write this situation out on paper or type it up on the computer so you can read it to yourself over and over.  For example, if you are afraid of an earthquake happening you could write out a short story of about being some place when an earthquake strikes and how the experience would be for you.  Read it over daily until you don’t get as anxious when you read it.

Get creative!

There is lots of great stuff on the internet that might be able to help you face your fears, such as pictures or videos.  Get a family member or trusted friend to check some out for you and then tell you about them to see if it’s something you think you could face (e.g., pictures of needles or videos of someone flying).

Next: Track Your Progress & Reward Yourself

It can help to  track your fear  during your exposure exercise and to remain in that situation until your anxiety comes down by about 50%. For example, if you were sitting in the cafeteria and you rated that as a 6 out of 10, try to stay there until your anxiety comes down to a 3 out of 10 or lower before leaving to do something else, even if you feel the urge to leave sooner. 

Keep doing a specific exposure exercise daily (or as often as you can) until you rate it as a 2 or 3 out of 10 for several days in a row. Then it’s time to move on to the next thing on your fear ladder. 

Print some Exposure Sheets to help you track your anxiety and progress. 

Re-rate your entire fear ladder every once in a while. You may be surprised that as you make progress with the items at the bottom of the ladder, the situations in the middle and near the top don’t seem as scary any more. 

 Your  ratings of feared situations  will also help you see the progress you have made and figure out what you still need to do to beat your anxiety! 

Remember to Reward Yourself

Let’s be honest, facing your fears is not easy.  So remember to reward yourself when you do it!

It can be really helpful to use specific rewards to motivate you to achieve big goals.  For example, plan to get yourself a gift (Xbox game, music, clothes, treat) or to do something fun (go to a concert, movie, out to dinner) when you finally ask the person you like to go out or go for that summer job interview.

Talk to your parents and friends to see if they might help you celebrate when you reach an important goal.

Don’t forget the power of self-talk.  Tell yourself “I did it!” “That was awesome!”  “I rock!”– it feels good!

Next: Mission Possible Challenges

Choose from the various fear themes below and see if you’re ready for one of our mission possible challenges. Your goal is to accomplish the mission you choose within the next 7 days. Don’t forget to reward yourself with something fun when you’re done. These can be very challenging! Good luck! 

Social Fears

 
  1. Call a store and ask if they have something in your size and can put it on hold for the day. 
  2. Buy something and then return it a couple hours later saying you changed your mind (don’t forget to check the store’s return policy before you do this one). 
  3. Approach a stranger in a safe public place and ask directions to the nearest grocery store. 
  4. Get on a bus and put in the wrong amount of money. 
  5. Order something at a fast food restaurant and once the cashier has punched it in, change your mind. 
Fear of Germs
  1. Sit on your bed wearing the clothes you wore at school and on the bus. 
  2. Lie on the floor at the entrance of your house. 
  3. Drop a candy on the floor and then eat it. 
  4. Touch a doorknob to a classroom at school and then touch your cheek without washing your hands. 
  5. Touch the doorknob to the mall bathroom and then touch your clothes without washing your hands. 
Fear of Making A Mistake
  1. Make a spelling mistake in an email to a friend. 
  2. Misuse a word when talking to a stranger. 
  3. Purposely make a mistake when handing in an assignment. 
  4. Purposely answer a question wrong in class. 
  5. Make your handwriting a little messy on a test and cross something out rather than erase it. 
Facing The Unknown
  1. Order something you’ve never eaten before at a restaurant. 
  2. Ask the barista at a coffee shop to recommend a beverage you have never tried before, and go for it. 
  3. Explore a safe new part of the city with a friend. 
  4. Let your friend plan an evening by picking a restaurant or movie, and go along with whatever she or he planned (without knowing the plan in advance). 
  5. Invite someone new to hang out with you and your friends.
Being Independent
  1. Go to a local coffee shop by yourself and sit and have a drink. 
  2. Take a bus by yourself for a few stops. 
  3. Call and make a doctor’s appointment on your own. 
  4. Order takeout for your family. 
  5. Go to a store by yourself and look around. 

*If you’re not used to doing stuff on your own, just run it by your parents first to see if it’s a safe challenge for you. 

Don’t worry if you’re not ready; these can be inspiring goals to gradually work towards. Keep working on your fear ladder and check back later to see if you’re ready to accept your mission! 

Don’t be discouraged if your fears start creeping back. This can happen from time to time, especially when you’re stressed out (for example, during final exams or after moving to a new home). This is totally normal. It just means you need to start planning some exposure exercises to knock your fears back down again.

Pull out your fear ladders and re-rate the items on the fear scale. Begin with the situation that causes you mild anxiety and start re-entering that situation or facing that thing. You can beat back your anxiety again! Remember that coping with anxiety is a lifelong process and it gets easier over time. You just have to remember some of the tools you’ve learned on this site and start using them again.